5 Strategies for Coping with Jealousy - For You and Your Kids

Ah, jealousy…that pesky, ugly emotion we all face from time to time. It pops up when we perceive a relationship is threatened or when we’re insecure about losing something – or someone – important to us. And what does that insecurity lead to? Resentment, envy, distrust, and suspicion – basically, all sorts of behaviors that can ironically cause us to lose the very thing we’re worried about. YUCK!

If jealousy is such a common emotion, how do we manage it? And more importantly, how do we teach our kids to handle it in a healthy way? Let's check out five techniques.

5 Practical Techniques for Taming Jealousy

1. Pinpoint the Insecurity – Jealousy often stems from insecurity. The good news? Insecurity can actually be a great tool for uncovering deeper fears and feelings that steal our joy and focus and need addressing. You can use insecurities as a way to start digging at and removing the root of what is bothering you. For example, if a child feels jealous of his new baby sibling, it might be because he perceives you’re spending more time with the baby. Once you identify this, you can take simple steps – like planning one-on-one time – to reassure him of your love.
2. Shift the Focus to Gratitude – Jealousy thrives when we look at what we don’t have versus what others do have. Combat it by focusing on gratitude instead. Sit down with your kids and list all the things you’re thankful for – it can be as big as a loving family or as small as your favorite snack. Gratitude has a way of squashing feelings of inadequacy and replacing them with joy. Check out my post for more on the benefits of gratitude.
3. Celebrate Others’ Wins and Learn from Them – Oh, it can be so easy to let envy sneak in when others attain new things – a car, a house, a puppy, or even a fun opportunity. But what if, instead of getting jealous, you chose to celebrate their win? For both you and your kids, this can be an opportunity to learn. Take an interest in their new thing: ask questions about it, notice its unique features, and appreciate what makes it special. For example, “Wow, your new car has some cool tech – what does that button do?” or “Your puppy is so playful – what breed is he?” This approach not only reduces jealousy but also enriches your knowledge and strengthens your connection with the person. Instead of letting jealousy isolate you, use curiosity to bring you closer.
4. Open Up the Conversation – Sometimes jealousy signals a need for reassurance. If you’re worried a relationship – be it a friendship or something else – feels off, talk about it. This works for kids too. Encourage them to express how they’re feeling. A true friend will appreciate the honesty, and a heartfelt conversation can often strengthen the bond rather than harm it.
5. Stop Comparing – Comparison is the thief of joy – plain and simple. Whether it’s you, your kids, or anyone else, remember that every person on this planet is uniquely incredible. Just like fingerprints, no two people are the same. No matter how insignificant you might feel at times, nobody else has the cool combination of talents, quirks, and qualities that make you who you are.

Jealousy does not have to control us. Instead, it can be a good nudge to signal to us when we need to fix ourselves in a situation or talk to a spouse, child, or friend about how we are feeling.

Learning to handle jealousy isn’t just about avoiding negative emotions – it’s about building confidence, strengthening relationships, and living a more joyful and peaceful life!

More resources on combatting jealousy:

20 Bible Verses About Jealousy: Overcoming the Green-Eyed Monster by Answered Faith

6 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy by PsychCentral

10 Ways to Deal with Jealousy in Children by Parentry

What Does The Bible Say About Jealousy? by Scripture Savvy