Encouraging Excellence in Kids: 6 Key Strategies

I have high expectations for myself. Do you? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Let’s take a look at having high expectations and what we can teach our children about it.

Having high expectations for oneself fosters resilience, motivation, and success. Having no expectations, however, can leave you without direction - without something to strive for, we may never reach our full potential!

While we can be set adrift with no expectations, we can also go too far and cause undue stress when we are too hard on ourselves. The goal, then, is to expect excellence, not perfection.

Let’s look at 6 ways to guide our kids to expect excellence without overdoing it.

1. Encourage children to take on challenges. Sometimes the best way to teach kids is to push them past their limits. Our instinct may be to make life as easy as possible for them, but without difficulties, a person can crumble at the first real barrier he faces.
   
   Why it matters: When kids believe they are capable, they are more likely to persevere through challenges.
   
   
2. Focus on effort, not just talent. It’s one thing to accomplish a task in an area we are naturally sufficient; it’s another to try something outside our comfort zone. To encourage kids to stretch their potential, teach them to try new things. Instead of praising their innate intelligence or talent, focus on their effort and persistence.
   
   Why it matters: It is such a good lesson for children to see they can achieve new and challenging tasks through hard work – even if they don’t have the natural ability. Success can come from both innate ability and from effort!
   
   
3. Strive for potential; not perfection. Striving for an expected goal breeds motivation, hard work, and even excitement. You are reaching your full potential! However, when this slips into perfectionism, pressure and inflexibility can take their toll. Help children set realistic goals that push them toward growth rather than fixating on an unattainable ideal.
   
   Why it matters: Winning is great, but learning along the way as you strive to be your best is sometimes the greatest lesson.
   
   
4. Define clear and achievable goals. What does it mean to “do well in school”? For one child, it may mean mastering a new skill; for another, it could mean making honor roll. Make sure expectations are specific, measurable, and tailored to the child’s abilities.
   
   Why it matters: When kids understand what’s expected and see a clear path to success, they feel more confident and capable.
   
   
5. Demonstrate your expectations to build confidence. Without expectations from others, we can feel hopeless and lost, not seeing that others think we are capable. Show kids you believe that they can accomplish their goals - the belief and faith that you demonstrate in them can keep them on the path to reaching their goals.
   
   Why it matters: By setting high yet achievable standards for our kids, we communicate faith in their potential. Research suggests that children perform better when they know their parents or teachers expect great things from them. With that in mind…
   
   
6. Find their motivation. We all have different motivations. Many – if not most – children may not start out seeing the value of succeeding in school, sports, or daily tasks. That’s ok! Some kids need external motivation before they develop internal discipline, so the expectations of their parents or teachers may provide the source of motivation they need. But talk to them; see what inspires them, and make sure their expectations of themselves are reasonable and healthy.
   
   Why it matters: Talk to your kids about why goals matter. In addition to living up to the expectations of parents and teachers, keep them going by finding out what excites and drives them. Maybe it’s the joy of improvement, the feeling of accomplishment, or even a simple reward system that keeps them going.

Helping kids expect excellence from themselves - and communicating that you believe in them too - sets them up for lifelong success. But remember that balance is important. For all of us, expectations should inspire, not overwhelm!

With encouragement, structure, and support, we can teach our children to push their limits, embrace challenges, and develop confidence to strive for their best, in a way that’s healthy and fulfilling.

For more on high expectations and goal setting:

The Power of Goal Setting

Mindset Matters: Setting High Expectations and Teaching Your Child to Achieve Them by Sanford School

5 Ways to Set ‘High Expectations’ Without ‘High Pressure’ by Melbourne Child Psychology & School Psychology Services