· By S. S. Coulter
7 Steps to Teach Your Child Self-Discipline
I recently heard an excellent perspective on self-discipline: it requires self-imposed restrictions. That resonated with me, so I looked up some definitions of self-discipline:
- the ability to control your feelings and overcome your weaknesses
- the ability to pursue what you think is right despite temptations to abandon it
- the ability to control yourself and to make yourself work hard or behave in a particular way without needing anyone else to tell you what to do
- The ability to delay gratification and think about how your present choices will benefit your future
Self-discipline leads to success, self-confidence, independence, and better academic performance.
What an incredible skill to have – and what an important trait to instill in our kids! The good news? Self-discipline is a learned behavior. The not-so-good news? It can be challenging to teach because we all know how tempting it is to take the easy way out. But we’re up for the challenge! Let’s explore 7 steps to teach children self-discipline, using one of my favorite things: bed-making.
1. Be consistent
I believe consistency is the most important factor in everything we do with our kids (and it takes discipline to be consistent!). It helps them feel secure because they know what to expect from us and what we expect from them each day. (Check out Why Consistency is Crucial for Your Kids.)
If you’re planning to implement any of the additional steps below, decide what you’re going to do, and then be consistent in your efforts. This means consistency in the goals you set, the rules you implement, and the consequences for not following through.
Let’s use bed-making as our task. Clearly establish it as the goal, set specific rules – like what time it needs to be completed each day – and consistently apply the same consequence whenever it isn’t done.
2. Lead by example
This one makes it into almost all my posts because it’s so true – kids learn by watching us. If they don’t see self-discipline in your actions, why should they practice it? Show them the positive impact of self-discipline in your life so they want to emulate it!
Your actions speak louder than words. Even if you were up all night with a work deadline or a new baby, make that bed so your kid follows your lead! Self-discipline isn’t about convenience – it’s about commitment.
3. Create a routine
Children need routines to help them get through the day and feel secure. When children have a routine, they are less likely to get anxious and distracted and more likely to stick to the task at hand. In other words, when kids know what’s coming next, they’re more likely to stick to the plan without resistance.
Make the morning routine the same every day. Wake up, brush your teeth, make the bed, and then we eat!
4. Add some fun to it
Playing games that require children to listen, remember, and follow instructions can help them learn self-control; and turning a daily task into a silly competition can make it more fun to do. Try coming up with fun ways to challenge your children in the tasks they are doing.
Bed-Making Competition! Make your bed in a silly way, and challenge your child to copy what you've done. If you have more than one child, pretend you are staying at a fancy hotel, and tell them you are going to choose the neatest or most creative bed at the “inn”! We did this with our kids, and the results were amazing – and hilarious!
5. Deal with road bumps
It can be easy to give up when we are overwhelmed by feelings of frustration, helplessness, or confusion. Acknowledge your children’s feelings when temptation to quit arises. We’ve all been there. Talk it through to help them regain confidence and energy for their task.
Ah, sometimes when we haven't slept, the bed can look incredibly daunting. How can we possibly make it this morning? Acknowledge to your kids that you have felt this way before, tell them they can do it, and cheer them on as they make that bed!
6. Celebrate their efforts and progress
Praise their effort, not just the result, and encourage children to keep trying even if they don’t succeed right away.
You walk in and check the bed…the comforter is pulled up and the pillows are straight, but the sheets are a tad messy. Praise your child's effort rather than focusing on the incomplete task: “Great job pulling up the blanket and arranging the pillows! Let’s work on those sheets together next time.”
7. Make it age-appropriate
This is another big one for success. Make sure goals are reasonable for your children's age so they have a good chance to succeed and are open to take on further challenges. Here’s a great article by Parents.com on age-appropriate responsibilities for your kids.
Too young to completely make the bed? Have your little one start by simply tidying the bed – working on spreading the blanket out and straightening the pillows is wonderful!
Teaching self-discipline is a great gift we can give our children. It’s a skill that builds confidence, resilience, and a sense of independence that will serve them throughout their lives. Whether it’s making the bed or tackling bigger goals, the lessons they learn now will lay the foundation for future success, and that’s awesome!
Here are more resources on the benefits of self-discipline – and tips for teaching it:
10 Effective Tips for Teaching Children Self-Discipline by Montessori Academy
Why Self-discipline Is An Important Quality For Children, And Ways To Help Your Child Master It by ParentCircle
8 Steps to Help Your Child Develop Self Control by Psychology Today