Everyone Makes Mistakes–Here’s How to Help Your Kids Learn From Theirs

One of the most impactful songs from my childhood came from Sesame Street. I’ll never forget hearing Big Bird sing, “Everyone makes mistakes, so why can’t you?” Even as a little girl, I was extremely tough on myself – beating myself up for everything I was told (or believed) was less than “perfect.”

The truth is, making mistakes is hard at any age, but how we respond to them makes all the difference. Do you beat yourself up and let the mistake shake your self-worth? Or do you take responsibility, deal with the consequences, and use it as a learning experience – one that will inevitably shape you into a stronger, wiser person?

Learning how to handle mistakes is a valuable lesson for both us and our kids. I know it’s tough to watch our children struggle, but we really do need to let them make their own mistakes so they can learn to handle disappointment and grow through trial and error. These experiences are essential for building resilience and independence.

Let’s look at 6 ways to help kids learn from their mistakes.

1. Show empathy. Making a mistake can be incredibly frustrating and discouraging, sometimes even causing us to shut down or fear trying again. Reacting to your child's misstep with a quick “It’s okay, you'll do better next time” may seem nice, but it might not help her process the experience. Instead, take a moment to acknowledge her disappointment. Say something like, “I can see you’re really frustrated right now. I completely understand. Let’s figure out something we can learn from this.” Teaching kids to tolerate failure in a supportive way helps build confidence and emotional resilience.
   
2. Encourage problem-solving. Your child spills his milk. After cleanup (of course!), ask him what may have happened and offer hints. Instead of simply saying, “Be more careful,” try, “I noticed your milk was near the edge of the table. Where do you think would be a safer place for it next time?” This approach helps children actively think through the problem and develop their own solutions for the future.
   
3. Avoid blaming others. When we mess up, it’s tempting to find external reasons to explain away our mistakes. Of course, outside factors sometimes contribute to problems – but we don’t learn by blaming. Instead, help your child focus on her own role in what happened and discuss what she could do differently next time. Owning our mistakes is a powerful way to create accountability.
   
4. Talk openly about your own mistakes. A cool part about being an adult is that we have a lot of stories to share. When your child makes a mistake, use it as an opportunity to connect. Inevitably, you’ve gone through something in your life similar to the situation your child finds himself in. Talk about what happened, how you felt, what you learned, and how it helped you grow. Showing kids that mistakes are a normal part of life helps take away the shame they might feel.
   
5. Reframe mistakes into sources of inspiration, not shame. It really is true that if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not growing. There is not one major endeavor in my life in which I didn’t take a wrong turn at some point. But those missteps taught me valuable lessons and gave me some great stories to pass on. Help your child see mistakes in the same way – not as failures but as experiences that will make them stronger and wiser (and give them potentially funny stories...).
   
6. Help kids bounce back and try again. Mistakes and challenges can feel overwhelming, and kids may start to believe negative things about themselves. When fixing a mistake feels like an overwhelming task, help them to break down the task and tackle it step by step. In addition, encourage them to reframe their self-talk. Turn “I’m such a failure” into “Mistakes help me learn.”

Effectively dealing with mistakes is one of the most valuable lessons we can teach our kids. It is important to try to embrace mistakes as part of the learning process. As Big Bird taught me in his awesome song, everyone makes mistakes – including parents, teachers, and role models – and it is ok! Instead of letting mistakes define us, let’s use them as opportunities to grow, improve, and try again!

More resources to help your children learn and grow from mistakes:

How to Help Kids Learn From Mistakes by Making Caring Common

"It’s Okay to Make Mistakes:" How Being Wrong Can Help Us Learn by PBS Kids

How to Help Kids Learn to Fail by Child Mind Institute